“Dirt!” you say.

It’s been awhile since we last looked at a Dragontales book, so I figured it was time to peek at the very first one. I’m reminded of that old saying, about how first isn’t always best…but this volume does have its moments.

As a quick recap, Dragontales gamebooks are basically interactive YA fantasy novels with lengthy chapters that end with a choice or three. These books came in two varieties: if it had a white cover, it was aimed at girls, whereas black covers were aimed at boys. As you can plainly see, Sword Daughter’s Quest is very much of the feminine persuasion, but that doesn’t mean we’ll be sipping tea, braiding hair, and talking about boys.

Actually, we do all three of those things in the course of the book. But there’s also a high body count, so it balances out.

We play as Tyrna, daughter of General Hamroth, a local lord who is escorting us with a caravan to the local warrior games. We need to pass through a treacherous desert where a paladin named Neron once slew a dragon named Slag, whose death created a lovely spring…as well as a mysterious curse that draws orcs and bandits and other foulness to the area. While waiting for the nature warden to arrive and give our caravan permission to pass, we assure Dad that we really do take our training seriously (if reluctantly), and that there ain’t no boys gonna distract us from our destiny as the strangely-titled Sword Daughter.

Then orcs kill everyone, and the warden distracts us from our revenge quest by being a hunky half-elf ranger.

Womp-wommmp.

Dragontales is consistent in a lot of ways. It usually has decent, even passable world building, gives us a new protagonist for each volume, and features a dragon somehow. The chapters are lengthy and detailed—not the usual one- or two-page summaries we see in a lot of gamebooks aimed at young readers.

It also consistently uses odd word choices that make me wonder if English is author Rhondi Vilott’s third or fourth language (judging by their name, I would assume they’re from New Jersey). The series additionally has this annoying habit of telling you to turn to “Section Number (Page Number)” which is unnecessary and confusing. In the course of reading a Dragontales book, when told to turn to “Section 10 (Page 23)”, you will accidentally turn to page 10 instead of 23. So keep a bookmark handy. It’s funny to see that after so many volumes, this series really hadn’t changed much.

Actually, one thing that surprised me about this first volume of the series is the number of “Game Over” endings, which seems like a rarity judging by the other volumes I’ve read. Usually every path in Dragontales is a proper ending to the story, but some are better and more heroic than others. Sword Daughter features multiple bad endings that are very grim indeed. So as middle-of-the-road as the story is, it isn’t afraid to go into darkish territory.

I should emphasize the most important aspect of the world-building in this story, namely the legend of the dragon Slag. He pervades the narrative no matter where we go and what we do: a creature so foul that his death left blight on the land for generations, supernaturally drawing evil and/or savage creatures and beings to the region. It can even corrupt good folks if they get too close to his fabled treasure hoard. As a result of this, we face a number of unrelated monsters and villain factions, and it makes sense given the setting. It’s probably the best part of the whole yarn, and Slag’s presence is felt on every page even if you never actually lay eyes on him.

Our heroine, Tyrna, is a funny lass. She’s not entirely the sort of tomboy you would expect to be into physical stuff; more like a lord’s daughter and daddy’s girl begrudgingly filling in for the son that Father never had. Partly from a sense of duty, she seems convinced that slingin’ blades and scowling are her destiny, and insists she’s perfectly capable of doing both extremely well, and that girly stuff is for weak girly-girls. Yet without fail, a handsome elf ranger can transform her into a stammering, blushing tween, as her maternal instincts get the better of her. I get the impression she doesn’t get out much, probably because Pop has her so busy training all the time like the cranky old master of a chop socky film.

The elf ranger Gavin definitely has more experience in the field of adventuring. He knows orcs better than they know themselves and is handy with bladed and ranged weapons. Initially he and Tyrna butt heads and swap insults, so you know they’re gonna be kissing by the end of it (if they aren’t both dead courtesy of reader error). In fact, one of our very first choices boils down to:

1. Kill the orcs and avenge Pa!
2. Let the hunky elf take us back to his place!

It’s hard to decide if Tyrna “Elly May” “Swordaughter” Hamburger is woefully naive, or just a very fast operator. I’m going with the former, since Gavin is constantly bailing her out of trouble, practically babysitting this dumb farm girl on her quest to avenge her father’s death. She’s the vanilla flavored working woman, torn between wanting to be taken seriously as an independent, and wanting to be treated like a princess.

In fact…I’m pretty sure Tyrna is the sidekick in her own story. What’s even funnier, she never realizes it. Despite all her “girl power” posturing, she’s never more than a few perfume puffs short of a damsel.

“Listen, Hoss, don’t be doubting my skills just ‘cos I’m a girl! I’m just as capable as you are! Look, I got a sword and errything! C’mon, let’s mosey!”

One minute later…

“Whaddaya mean you won’t take me with you? But I wanna avenge my fatherrrrr…!”

Five minutes later…

“Omigosh, I have a crush on him. Omigosh, does he know I have a crush on him?! Omigosh, I think he has a crush on me! Omigosh omigosh omigosh!”

Fifteen minutes…

“Eeek! Orcs! Dirt and orcs! Why does it smell so gross?! I broke a nail climbing this stupid mountain! Are my braids falling out again? Golly, I want a hot bath!”

Thirty minutes…

“The bandit leader is hitting on me! Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew…”

When she’s not being dragged along by Gavin, she’s following him. He’s usually the one who thinks of ways out of trouble, he usually has the most logical and sensible course of action planned, and he has all the cool abilities, like this weird power where he glows real bright and scares people witless. He bogarts the party’s cloak of invisibility, a staple treasure for any generic Pathfinder character. He even clocks our heroine once and carries her like a sack of oats, to keep the other bandits’ paws off of her! I really wish they’d included an illustration of that last bit.

Also, she gets so distracted by Gavin, I don’t recall a single path where she actually avenges her father’s death. Maybe I missed it. Plenty of endings where she goes home with her new boyfriend, though. Priorities, priorities.

Speaking of illustrations, they are sparse throughout the book, and what few illustrations there are, are okayish. Dragontales typically features some rather sketchy art quality for the interior, but every now and then you get a pretty good depiction of the action. Most of the time it’s kind of got this “college art class” quality to it. I like this particular image that makes Tyrna look more like Dorothy Gale from The Wizard of Oz.

Sword Daughter’s Quest isn’t the best of the Dragontales books, but it’s worth a look anyway. It has a few fun moments and interesting surprises up its sleeve, and the myth of the dragon Slag is ever-present in a nice touch of immersive world building. Other entries in the series may give you more bang for your buck, despite how fun it is to watch Xena Warrior Princess melt endearingly into Princess Peach on a regular basis. Gavin is fully aware of it, too. Gavin is a player. He knows what he’s doing.

Time for bed. Uncle Mac out.