CLODS, CREEPS, AND CRETINS KEEP OUT

For those of you unfamiliar with a “stereogram,” it is commonly known as a “magic eye” picture. Basically it’s a pile of garbled graphical vomit you’re supposed to stare at cross-eyed until it turns into a 3D image. If you’re a fan of such novelties, you’re in luck, because they’re the featured gimmick of today’s gamebook, Super Eye Adventure 1: Treasure Hunt. As basic as it gets, that title, and yes, it is indeed a bad sign.

You and your dog, Spike (even more creative names!) have just arrived at Uncle Duncan’s spooky old stone mansion in the Scottish moors, and the first thing he does is forbid you (and Spike) from exploring the upstairs room. So naturally, the moment Unca-Dunc steps out, you immediately head for that room and get sucked into a magic time-travel tapestry, which–and I wish I was kidding–turns out to be part of some kind of sweepstakes for time-travel wizards, with a chest fulla loot as First Prize, and death for everyone else. The treasure map even comes with a disclaimer about the hazards, and the fact that you can’t return to your own time until you die or find the treasure. Naturally you don’t read this part until AFTER you’re trapped in medieval Scotland.

The story is pretty basic and would feel right at home in the CYOA series. But in this book, instead of games, puzzles, or anything interesting, a series of stereograms provide hints about what you’re about to encounter, or what the correct choice will be, etc. I viewed the first one on the tapestry itself right before jumping through the portal, and the narration continued thusly: “You step forward–right into the medieval landscape of green pastures and thatched cottages you see in the tapestry!“

Wait, is that what I was looking at?

I thought I saw an owl. In fact, I’m positive I saw an owl.

Okay, so, full disclosure: I haven’t looked at a stereogram correctly since I was a kid, and even then it was a crap shoot at best (as in the dice game “craps,” get your head out of the gutter). Turns out your mileage may vary with this sort of thing. Some people are able to see them, and some ride the struggle bus. If you read this book yourself, you may fare better than I did, or you may just rely on the answer key in the back.

Incidentally, that image WAS of a pasture with medieval cottages. The owl must’ve just been a bad omen in real life.

The book forgoes artwork in favor of its stereogram gimmick, so if you can’t get the stereograms to work, you really don’t have much to look at besides a sub-par middle-grade fiction book. At least the narrative provides a reason why you have to make out the shapes you’re looking at: trying to make sense of the patterns in the tapestry, or gazing through the thick vegetation to see where you’re going, etc. So good on the author for that, anyway.

I just don’t see a “magic eye” gimmick giving a book like this tons of replay value, which is probably why there are a paltry four volumes in this series, and the other three are about haunted houses and dinosaur islands and undersea adventures. Just my luck that I get stuck with the Filmation version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

…I might watch it if it had a gorilla.

Unfortunately if your book banks on a gimmick, the writing suffers, and if not everyone can see the gimmick, well…what’s the point? For me, the point would be to at least tell a good story that stands on its own and is aided by the gimmick. I used to watch Captain Power as a kid in the 80s, a show that was accused of banking on its toy line which could interact with the TV during the show. But Captain Power, as a show, held its own with OR without the toys. It was well-written and didn’t talk down to its audience.

This book talks down to its audience, which I can’t forgive. It’s trite and lazy, and it shows in the silly sweepstakes gag, and the fact that you send a dangerous knight away in tears with the most basic of insults, and…the list goes on. It’s just not good.

If you’re obsessed with stereographs, pick this book up and give it a whirl, I guess. If you want something fun to read, look elsewhere on this blog. Me, I’m bailing on this series early.

Time for bed. Uncle Mac out.